True Movement. Join me!

Hi everyone.

I am pleased to announce one of the coolest things that has emerged from this transitional year of movement: True Movement.

I have been watching bodies really closely this year and working in a more intimate capacity with individuals and small groups and have discovered that many exercise programs are not working to address some of the deeper, simpler alignment and balance issues that we all have to some degree.

Curious about what this means? Well you can either come to my class on Saturdays at 11 at The Yoga Bar (and as of Sept. 21. Wednesday nights at 7:30 pm) OR you can check out the certification program I am starting in October.

Why not take the time to learn how a well body works? Why wait until you are injured or arthritic or miserable in some other sedentary way? We spend the first few years of our lives joyously figuring out how to use every inch of our bodies and every cell in our brains. Why not bring back that exploration now?

This is the time. Do it.

(and now, note a switch to the third person in which I talk about myself as though I am someone else for "marketing" purposes)

True Movement: The Anatomy of Wellness

What is it?

A seven-part certification in True Movement – a course of mindful movement practices and wellness-based exercises. Based on the individual’s course of study, the certification test will follow in the 8^th session.

You can take the course in segments if you wish to expand your knowledge of one of the weekend workshop topics. If you wish to receive a certification, you need to take the courses sequentially. Think of it as a starting place. Think of it as a Master's course. If you are thinking about it at all, then it is exactly what you need!

Who runs it and why take it?

Stacy Sims is one of the nation’s most respected movement educators. She created a Pilates education program as founder and director of Pendleton Pilates and has certified nearly 100 educators. She took a year to study movement after she sold Pendleton Pilates, practicing for a month in LA with clients, for a week with trauma survivors in Cambodia, and in small group and private practice in Ohio. She is also the founder of the non-profit True Body Project. Here is what she found:

“I am a Pilates educator, a yoga student, and have studied dance informally for several years and in a more directed effort in the past year. When I owned Pendleton Pilates, I was working with people to move them into a group Pilates program. But now, a year later, I am realizing that almost regardless of my client’s movement practices, I see that most all bodies are deficit and imbalanced in many of the exact same ways.

“Whether a long-term Pilates client, yogi, a runner, a dancer, or someone who hasn’t exercised at all or is recovering from injury, whether there is trauma from an injury or emotional event, I end up working with my clients to understand 7-10 key concepts of alignment and stability. I am working in a much more subtle and effective way to understand and embody basic principles rather than moving quickly into a series of pre-planned exercises that they may bring all their old body habits to.

“This certification will be a highly personal study of how a well body is organized for strength, agility, peace of mind and flexibility and what a body looks like and feels like when dysfunction begins to occur. I feel like most of our fitness endeavors are designed to create a sense of well being and, perhaps, a particular shape of the body but that these things often have little to do with actual wellness and function.

“I want to help people train their eye to see what the body is saying. I want to share a Movement Course that can be taught to virtually anyone AND to have extremely positive results.

Who should take the True Movement course?

Anyone who is a movement teacher or student of movement or who needs to move more. People who wants to deepen their knowledge of functional anatomy, basic neuroscience principles of somatics for wellness, and the 10 things that indicate lack of harmony and balance and the 10 exercises you can do to help yourself or your clients toward higher function.

Athletes or coaches

Life coaches

Personal trainers

Physical Therapists

Yoga students or teachers

Pilates students or teachers

Dancers

Or anyone who has ever been …

Frustrated that their body isn’t as healthy as it used to be

Injured

On a diet

In recovery for eating disorders or addiction

Trying to make a change

In a wellness field

In a leadership position

Content of Weekend Workshops

Seven 4-7 hour, one-day (Sunday) sessions beginning on October 9, 2011. Sample content.

Oct 9: Learning to see. Creating context. Functional anatomy 1.

Oct. 16: Gaze and breath and spinal alignment… what do your eyes tell you? What is the breath saying? Is the spine functioning fully? Functional anatomy 2.

Oct. 23: Pelvic floor issues, SI joint dysfunction … low back pain primer. Functional anatomy 3.

Oct. 30: Energy leaks and locks in the body. Find where the body is not in sync and techniques to restore mind/body harmony. PTSD primer. Understanding how trauma is stored/presents in the body. Broaden your idea of “trauma” to include any pattern held in the body that is not serving you today.

Nov. 7: Movement workshop. Creating a flow of exercises that make a difference. Learn to teach a True Body Movement Class.

Nov. 14: Individual work. Practicum on seeing the body and learning about the mind. Creating a flow of exercises based on the individual. Learn to work privately with clients.

Nov. 21 or 28: Integration. The class members each present one thing they have learned in independent study that broadens the context of the True Body work. Stacy will suggest several tangents of study including anatomy, typical injuries for athletes, chakra and/or other energy work. The assignment will not be to take a wide tangent but to “color in” and amplify a basic concept (i.e. “I studied rotator cuff injuries and want to show how the True Body movement system addresses this pre/post injury and to further illustrate what muscles are at work when the rotator cuff is supported” or “I studied the somatic patterns of the ‘freeze’ response in the body.

Dec. 12: Certification tests.

Fee Structure

$1250

Includes all seven workshops, 2 private sessions with Stacy Sims, Course materials, TRUE BODY CERTIFICATION

$250

Individual workshops

$50

Extra Private sessions with Stacy Sims

Where and what will I be able to teach?

In the Cincinnati area, Stacy Sims is working with yoga and Pilates studios and other wellness centers to create a demand for this type of class. There is much interest! The class will be branded as a True Movement class but Stacy will work with you individually to tailor your education to best fit the still-growing (and still learning!) mind/body fitness industry.

(And here we return to the more familir first person. Whew)

Want more info?

Want me to do a sample class for you?

Write me at stacy@truebodyproject.org.

Feminism is F*&%#ed. Part Two.

A few months ago, I wrote about the uber popular online forum for girls called It Girl.

Now I am compelled to give a WTF shout out to Katy Perry, whose fan base is 9 to 16 year-old girls.

Here, below, are the snappy lyrics to Last Friday Night, where big-eyed Katy tells us that drunken, blacked out, sexed up, bruised up Friday night shenanigans are AWESOME!

Really?

So here's the deal. At the very least, we must promise to no longer act surprised or confused about why adolescent and teen girls struggle to find appropriate behavior.

Last Friday Night.

There's a stranger in my bed,
There's a pounding my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar
DJ's passed out in the yard
Barbie's on the barbeque

There's a hickie or a bruise
Pictures of last night
Eended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we're gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again

Trying to connect the dots
Don't know what to tell my boss
Think the city towed my car
Chandelier is on the floor
With my favorite party dress
Warrants out for my arrest
Think I need a ginger ale
That was such an epic fail

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled.

Memento Mori

Kristin stayed vibrant, articulate, humorous, and loving until the end. When she lost her strength to stand and her ability to be lucid, she closed her eyes. Within a day, she slipped away. She went so quietly into the night, she didn't move an inch or make a sound.

We did shifts those last hours, sitting with her. It was a privilege. You could feel her energy slipping away. The photo above is of her bedside table. In one of my sittings with her, it was a touching still life. A few hours later, as it became more clear that she was unlikely to rally, it became a memento mori ... a reminder of mortality.

Here, in case you missed it, is Kristin's obituary. If you knew her, I am sorry for your loss. If you didn't, I am sorry for your loss. She was one of a kind.

In Loving Memory. Kristin Chambers. Beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend.

Kristin Chambers, 41, died August 5, 2011 at her home in Los Angeles, CA after a long battle with cancer.

At her request, there will be no memorial service but a celebration of her life will be held at a later date.

She was born on September 9, 1969 in Livonia, Michigan to Robert and Jan Ward Chambers.

She attended Turpin High School in Cincinnati, Ohio and received her Bachelor’s degree in English Literature from Miami University, Oxford, Ohio in 1991. She attended the Art Institute of Chicago where she worked on her Masters in Art History, Theory and Criticism.

She began her art career as a curatorial intern at the Contemporary Arts Center, Cincinnati. In 1994, she worked on the team that opened the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland, working on major artifact acquisitions for the institution. She met her husband Jeffrey Dollinger at the Rock Hall, where he was working as the Development Coordinator. They kicked off their relationship at the 25^th Anniversary of Woodstock concert in 1994.

She and Jeffrey Dollinger married on October 18, 1997 at the Roycroft Inn in Aurora NY.

She became a curator at the Cleveland Center for Contemporary Art (now MOCA) in 1996 and worked with international artists including Yoshitomo Nara, Oliver Herring, and Christine Hill. Kristin loved collaborating with artists on exhibitions and artist books and remained an independent curator when she moved to Los Angeles in 2003.

In 2002, Kristin gave birth to Simon Jackson Dollinger in Cleveland, Ohio. Her relationship with her son was the central focus of her life. Simon attends Sequoyah School in Pasadena and Kristin dedicated much of her time to the school and to Simon’s activities and interests. Before she passed, they collaborated on two paintings.

Kristin was inspired by artists like Christine Hill and Lisa Anne Auerbach who led creative lives and infused every day with artful practices. In one of the last essay’s she wrote, Kristin quoted Joseph Beuys “Every human being is an artist, a freedom being, called to participate in transforming and reshaping the conditions, thinking, and structures that shape and inform our lives.” This is how Kristin lived her life, even during her five-year battle with cancer. She made everyday gestures extraordinary and continued to practice a creative life via cooking, sailing, sewing, music, movies and friendships. Kristin was also loved travel, scuba diving, and playing the cello.

Kristin also served as a CASA advocate and was also a crucial and motivating force as a producer of the documentary Of Two Minds. The film delves into the struggles and triumphs of living with bipolar disorder. She believed strongly in the message and we know the film will live on to help people who deal with the complexities and tragedies of this illness every day. Kristin took on this role not because she herself suffered from this, but because her empathy reached out beyond that of her own world - far beyond. She infused heart and soul into this project through her hard work, spot-on insight and unstoppable sense of humor.

She is survived by her husband Jeffrey Dollinger; son Simon Dollinger; parents Robert and Jan Ward Chambers; brother Richard (Rick) Chambers and his spouse Emma and their children, Nina and Stella; sister Jen Chambers; grandmother Virginia G. Ward; aunt and uncle Shelley and Sam Beck; in-laws Susan Dollinger and Wayne Bonekemper; sisters-in-law Sara and Karen Dollinger; and grandmother-in-law Shirley English.

She is preceded in death by grandfather Richard T. Ward and his loving wife Mary Kay (Sam) Adams Ward; uncle Richard T. Ward, Jr.; and grandparents Edwin and Ellen Chambers.

Kristin requested that donations be made to either help produce the documentary “Of Two Minds” or to CASA LA.

Donations to “Of Two Minds” can be sent to:

MadPix, Inc.

2500 Silver Lake Terrace Los Angeles, CA 90039

(Please note Of Two Minds on the memo line)

Donations to CASA LA can be made via casala.org.

For more information contact jdollinger@hotmail.com

Providence.

Providence in Los Angeles by chef Michael Cimarusti is Kristin's favorite restaurant in the world and I can assure you, Kristin is both a food expert and a well-traveled woman.

So last Wednesday night, Kristin's friends made arrangements to bring Providence to her, since she was unable to make another trip to them.

And it was divine.

Chef Sharon accompanied the food and Kristin's family and friends gathered for a spirited and delicious feast. At some point during the night, I looked up the definition of "providence." Here is what it said:

"Timely preparation for future eventualities."

Yes. Indeed.

Thank you Providence and thank you Sharon. Here is a glimpse into how you helped all of us prepare for future eventualities. With mad love. And astonishing food.

(p.s. apologies to Providence and foodies everywhere for my less-than-stellar food photos. I promise you all, this was an extraordinary meal in all ways.)

Sacred things.

I have been in LA for the past week spending time with Kristin and her close friends and family as she navigates the end of her days with extraordinary grace and courage. She is 41 and leukemia is winning. We are not sure if we have a few minutes, hours or days left with her.

I was talking to my mom and she referred to this time, this intimate experience of transition, as holy. She is not religious but I understood her entirely. She was speaking of the word in the transcendent sense.

And today I went to a dance class at the Sweat Spot for one of my first excursions out of this house of grace in a week. Joe taught us a lovely choreography to Adele's "Someone Like You." It was filled with contractions and expansions and rises and falls and rolls and shudders. We went slow and we went fast. We remembered. We reached. Our dance was filled with moves that I have watched this week as Kristin fights to keep her dignity with her body and to understand the new dance that she is being forced to learn.

At the end of class I wept. (Thanks Joe for holding that space for me to disassemble a bit.)

Because when I was lying on the floor, curled up in the fetal position and ready to begin dancing this choreography for the last time, I thought about sacred and transcendent words, words and ideas that deserve to be elevated and honored. I thought about Kristin, hanging on to her breath and her body and her mind long after it seems humanly possible.

Here they are, my sacred words for today:

Grace ... Holy ... Dignity ... Body.

Family ... Friends ... Love.

Kristin.

Kristin.

Kristin.

And now I will return to the family room, where we will laugh and/or cry and/or sleep and/or eat. We will listen to what Kristin wants us to remember. We will do no harm.

And it will be holy. For sure.

Listening.

I'm a talker. I've got a blog, for heaven's sake. So that's how you can tell. But all the good stuff I've learned has come from developing the skill to be still enough to listen.

The last couple of months I've slowed the dance down to listen. I've listened to teachers and healers and authors and scientists and a lawyer and an accountant and broken people and hopeful people with an equally democratic ear. I'm trying to learn the next steps so I need to listen very, very carefully.

This weekend, I will do more of the same.

I have invited some awesome girls and women to join me in a circle to reflect on the True Body Project and to think about where we have been and where we might go. The True Body Project is a reflection of the collective truth of how we live today and how we might make that easier, safer and more fulfilling for more girls and women.

I can't wait. And after we have listened hard and planned long (oh not too long, don't you worry), then we'll start talking. We'll spill the beans on our awesome True Body Project plans. We'll tell you how to come be a listener with us.

Breaking through the noise.

I've been a a bit mum the last few weeks as I've been taking care of business to keep the ship from sinking ...

(Remember my Financial Frenemy? She came knocking but I let her in and we have made a good deal.)

... and I've also been slowing down my usual high octane approach to creativity and communications to consider what, in the middle of the noisiest time ever in the history of communications, is worth saying.

I've seen close to 20 theatrical events in the last month, including theatre, opera and dance, read several books, looked at a gazillion Facebook posts about a gazillion ideas, opinions, creative expressions and a few cats. And I'm trying to be discerning about what stands out, what feels relevant, and what feels important.

I'm not sure yet of my own creative direction for the next few months. I am not sure if I will write a novel or a play or a pilot or something with others. But I do know this ... authenticity stands out. Which is why I present to you this lovely song and video by Slow Club. Thanks to Julie Rawe for finding it for me.

"Hold on to where you’re from, it’s where you heart goes when you’re done."

That seems relevant. That seems important.

“

What do I actually teach and why/when should you come to see me?

I've been teaching privately a lot lately and the sessions fall somewhere between Pilates and mindfulness training and somatic re-education.

What the heck does that even mean??

It means that when you want to know more about your body's patterns and how come, for instance, you are in pain (think neck, back, knee, hips, feet, wrists, shoulders) and you want to remedy that, you come to me.

It means that if you are trying to make changes in your life but are stuck, you come to me.

It means that if you have been practicing Pilates or Yoga or dance for a little or a lot and you want to get more out of your movement practice and avoid injury, you come to me. My R&M teacher pals let me fix them when their bodies are cranky so I hope you will let me help you too.

Here is what some of my clients have to say ...

A former collegiate athlete who is recovering from injury says:

"Stacy offers uniquely designed and individualized Pilates lessons focusing on strength, flexibility, posture and mental awareness. Her knowledge of the mind and body connection is unparalleled resulting in paramount gains with mental and physical well-being....Stacy's tailored approach will invigorate your mind, strengthen your body and awaken your spirit."

A long-term Pilates practitioner says:

"I started practicing Pilates in a gym setting, but I never really understood the practice until I began Stacy’s classes. Her knowledge of anatomy and physiology give her students an insight into “how to have a healthy body” that’s like a personal workshop. Stacy’s approach is so thorough and personalized that I get much more benefit from one session with her than I did from many before.

A yoga student and a bicyclist says:

"I am thinking that Stacy Sims is the bestest greatest knee fixer upper Pilate instructor therapist yogini in the world. I went 19 miles on the bike today without pain. Been knee pain free three days after one session with her two weeks ago. Whahoo!"

A Pilates instructor, martial artist and tennis player says:

“Stacy Sims has developed a deep Pilates vocabulary from her many years running a busy and popular Pilates studio. Her experience as a dancer only widens her breadth of experience. My private sessions with Stacy feel as though I am able to connect with my body through all of her accumulated knowledge working with the best of the best in the field of mind and body. She is able to find where you are in most need of "opening" closed channels, developing strength, and working on flexibility in a comprehensive and intelligent approach which is the true lineage Joseph Pilates left for us. Stacy Sims teaches authentic Pilates which centers around spinal flexibility and strengthening the core to support a healthy spine for optimum health and longevity. When I leave my sessions with Stacy, I feel a total transformation from head to toe. A body "buzz" as I like to call it!”

So please, don't wait because you think you are not ready or are not strong enough. I promise to meet you exactly where you are and find out where we can help you move in your body and in your life. Check out my website for more info about privates or classes and/or email me directly at stacy@truebodyproject.org.

Here is a little taste of how I go about it:

Patterns and cycles and perhaps TMI. Dudes, be warned.

Honest to god, it is INSANE that I haven't figured out the pattern in 35 years of months that there is a cycle to my optimism, ambition, creativity and joy.

Once a month, there is a 48 hour period in which I think, feel and believe that the gig is up and that I am no longer relevant or curious or clever or attractive or vital. During this window, it is so REAL, this pervasive feeling of blah. It is not despair. It is not fatalistic. But it is convincing. It feels like every cell in my body is a bored and slightly angry 14 year old girl saying, "Whatever."

And then, once a month for 35 years of months, I wake up and discover that I am not depressed, nor do I have the flu, nor do I have to be committed. I wake up to discover that I have my period.

Surprise!!

Really. How can this be a surprise?

There are a few good things in this scenario.

1. Once a month I remember what I felt like every day when I was drinking to excess. And I am reminded again that it is a blessing to have 14 years of sobriety under my belt so that darker days are limited.

2. Once a month I am reminded what it feels like to be depressed or alcoholic or otherwise stuck in a system where no matter what happens around you, you can't see the beauty and the light. Empathy is everything. And I am happy for it.

3. I am also clear that there are likely other subversive neuro-muscular, chemical, hormonal patterns at work that I am slow to catch onto. And I am thrilled to work with amazing healers, body workers and astute friends who can mirror for me when I become ridiculously stuck in some thought pattern that makes no sense to the here and now.

4. As long as I have to weather this hormonal storm, I am happy for the people who make Pringles, Angel Food Cake, peanut butter-filled pretzels, and mediocre television shows.

xoxo

To be seen.

I decided to walk to an early dinner on this beautiful summer night.

I strolled down Main Street right as the sun was hitting the street in such a way as to make everyone and everything look pretty darn glorious.

I passed by a family sitting on a stoop. A man and a woman sat on the step next to a toddler in a stroller. I heard the child say, "Hi." So I spun around for a closer encounter. We waved and smiled at each other in the usual way: me over-animated, child bemused. Until the guy told me this:

"You are the first person she's ever said 'Hi' to."

"Wait, really?" I asked.

"Really," they confirmed.

I saw her and she saw me. And we each signaled our admiration for the other's awesomeness.

What more can you ask for on a sunny, summer night on the street where you live?

Another sample of NEBRASKA ... Couples Therapy, anyone?

OMG.

Couples Therapy is freaking hard.

See how Lorabee and Jim weather the couch in NEBRASKA.

Chapter 38

We sat in silence and looked at the magazines we had grabbed the minute we entered the small waiting room before our first and only Couples Therapy session. It had been Jim’s bright idea, not mine, to spill the beans about our small, sad life to an impartial third party.

I stared blindly at a Rachael Ray recipe for Steamed Shrimp. Jim thumbed through a Golf Magazine earnestly. It made me mad.

“Like you give a shit about putters or drivers or greens. Like you give a shit,” was what I was stage whispering to him when the kind doctor opened the door to let us in.

“Jim? Lorabee? Or do you prefer Lora?” he said, as though he had not caught me in a bitter, irrational tirade.

“I don’t care,” I shrugged.

Jim nearly ran to him, shaking his hand vigorously. I gave him just my fingers, pursed my lips insincerely, and sashayed into his office.

Dr. Greenblum closed the door behind us and gestured to the couch. We sat at opposite ends of it, clinging to the armrests. He sat down slowly, with effort.

“Hip replacement.” He informed us. “Not as easy a recovery as I was led to believe.”

“Sort of like this, then,” I offered, eager for a moment to get on his good side, eager to let him know I was bright enough to override the vitriol inside of me and make snappy comparisons. Rehab is to hip surgery as forgiveness is to betrayal.

“Yes, perhaps,” he obliged, settling back into his chair. “Since you made the appointment, Jim, why don’t we start with you? Why are you here?”

“I did something very, very stupid,” he said. “Something I regret every day. And I know she has every right to be mad at me. She has a right to be mad at me for a very long time, in fact. I totally fucked up.”

“Can you please be more specific?” Dr. Greenblum asked.

“He slept with my best friend, my maid of honor, the biggest cliché in the history of all clichés. She rubbed up against him and he fell for it,” I offered. “I am more embarrassed by it than angry,” I said.

“Is that true?” the doctor asked.

“That he fucked my best friend? Yes, it’s true.”

“No. That you are more embarrassed than angry. Is that true?”

“Yes!” I insisted. “I mean, come on. It’s obvious.”

"What is obvious?” Dr. Greenblum asked.

And that is how the next horrible 43 minutes played out. Jim came across like an earnest, relatively competent sap of a man who screwed up. I was unable to answer a single question in a straightforward, mature, non-sarcastic way. I could feel myself dancing for my life, evading anything that put the emotional burden on me.

“Seriously?” I asked, early in the session. “He cheats and I have to talk about my mother?”

“So let me ask you this, Lora. Why are you here? Why did you come today?”

“To find out why he did it. Why else would I come?” I said.

“Fair enough,” Dr. Greenblum said. “Jim, can you answer Lora’s question?”

“Well it doesn’t make it right, I know that, but I have to say, I was lonely,” Jim said.

“Lonely in what regard?” Dr. Greenblum asked, prodding Jim to outline all the ways in which I was a shitty, inattentive wife.

Jim looked at his thighs. “She’s just stronger than me. Much stronger. I need things. I worry about things.”

“Oh for God’s sakes, Jim, everyone is stronger than you,” I said. I heard it: my loathsome, shrewish, lonely voice. “I don’t think this is going to work,” I offered. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

We spent the next half hour addressing the issue of my reluctance to be there in the first place.

“Becoming a couple is easy. Staying a couple is tremendously difficult,” Dr. Greenblum explained. “We are not taught how to maintain intimacy,” he added. “And it is especially difficult when you have had your early intimate relationships taken from you,” he offered to me.

“Is it possible you can not know how unwell you are until you have children?” Jim asked.

We both stared at him.

“I mean me. Not her,” he clarified.

I refused to say another word. Because what I wanted to say to each of them was “How do you know?” Based on the number of certificates on his wall, I figured that the doctor probably did know a few things. And maybe my cheater husband did too.

But what good would it do me if he were right? If he were right, then I was doomed. And so was my family. So he and Jim talked about broken things while I stared out the window. I tuned them out as best I could so I could think about Rachael Ray’s Steamed Shrimp and how I would never, ever make it.

-----

If you like this sample, check out the real deal here. Order it for your Kindle or any device that supports it (iPod, iPhone, Mac notebooks, etc.)

On Pirouettes and Joyful Trouble.

Stephen Colbert was recently asked by Stephen Sondheim to join the cast of Company. Here is what Colbert had to say about it his decision to do it:

"I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do,'" he says. "And I followed my own advice. It was something I desperately wanted to do — not as a career — but an invitation I knew I couldn't refuse and yet had no sense of whether or not I could do it. And that is trouble — but it was all so joyful."

This year has been a lot of that for me ... I have gotten into joyful trouble trying to do things I am not sure I can do on the small (giant?) stage of adult dance.

After my modern dance intensive last week, I realized I had some definite challenges with my turns. It was not as though I knew how to do them and didn't do them well. With a pirouette, for example, I truly did not have a single cooperative bone or muscle or tendon in my body. I would start the turn and completely lose my shit.

So I set an intention to learn them. Yesterday, I was lucky to have Ka-Ron Brown Lehman all to myself for an hour plus. We worked on my not-so-great releve passe situation and then moved onto turns. For awhile, it was a big old mess. But by the end, I had figured out the essential flow of it, some muscle memory that I could return to.

Thanks Ka-Ron and all my other wonderful teachers (Heather, Susan, Julie, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Heather, etc.) for helping me get into joyful trouble on such a regular basis.

This post is and is not about shampoo.

Yesterday was a struggle. I have been working this year to stay in a productive and hopeful place while I figure out where to focus my next efforts. I got socked in the gut in the morning by an unfriendly reminder of one version of my current reality. Part of my current reality is glorious ... dancing, writing, connecting, hoping, learning, moving, giving, teaching. And there is a part that is less easy. For the sake of clarity, we will call this part "Financial."

So yesterday "Financial" wanted to chat with me because I had been ignoring "Financial" for a couple of months. After an unsettling conversation, in which I raised my voice and said some bad things to "Financial," things I might eventually regret, I settled myself back down and decided that I needed to be a little more clear about my direction or else "Financial" would begin to stalk me to the point that "dancing, writing, connecting" etc. might get nervous and ask me to go away until I deal with the "Financial" situation.

(This is now going to move to a conversation about energy and end up in beauty products so you have been warned.)

I have been working to stay open, energetically, to what is to come. I have worked against constant busyness so that there would be a void to be filled by THE NEXT THING. And my request to the universe has been pretty vague ... as in "Give me something really frickin' awesome that will fulfill me creatively, financially, etc." It occurred to me that the universe might not know what to give me. That it wouldn't know what to fill in since I have been so vague. So I was thinking about being more specific.

I realized, at about the same time, I was out of shampoo and conditioner. I thought to myself (laughing!!!) that perhaps I just needed to ask for shampoo and conditioner. Then I thought to myself (laughing!!) that it would be difficult to manifest beauty products. I chuckled to my crazy self and went on my merry way.

Cut to this morning ... less than 24 hours later. I go to teach my Yoga Bar class and there is .... wait for it ..... FREE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER compliments of Heather who works at Kao Brands. Not just for me but for many. My friend Debbie pointed out that I manifested it not just for me but for a bunch of people.

Get on it people! Tell the universe exactly what you want. Do not mess around. My guess is that there is more than beauty products in it for us.

Modern Dance Intensive - Day Four. We try a little tenderness.

I LOVED today's classes. I taught this morning for two hours in exchange (in the Karmic sense) for four hours of learning. If I gave half as much as I received, it would be a miracle. Because today we were in the masterful hands of the elegant, delightful and generous John Giffen.

John received a BFA from Juilliard and a Master of Arts in dance from The Ohio State University. He has danced with Les Grands Ballets Canadians in Montreal and the Wuppertal Dance Theater directed by Pina Bausch. He has toured with Agnes de Mille’s Heritage Dance Theater and was dance captain for the Broadway revival of Brigadoon. Giffin has received numerous grants and awards for his work.

So in the first class, he taught us the "circle" choreography from Bausch's seminal Rite of Spring. (video of the real deal below.)

It was so amazing to learn some of these sequences but even more exciting to step back and watch the class move in such beautiful, grounded harmony.

In the next class, he shared some exercises from Pina Bausch's Dance Theater Performance compositional techniques. Our theme was TENDERNESS.

Our job was to individually determine five gestures of tenderness (two were eliminated for pedestrian reasons - the straight up hug and intimate face holding.) But everything else was fair game. We composed our gestures and remembered the sequence and then we partnered up and began to work with our tenderness gestures compositionally. One of us might share the gesture with our partner but the partner was to either be neutral to and/or reject our tender gesture.

In other exercises, we gestured simultaneously, first slowly then quickly and we also stood across the room from each other, playing with movement and gesture. We did group work and individual work. Finally, we worked with our partner to create a short piece using our tender gesture work as a base.

It was beautiful to watch and the main thing that struck me is that when the pace quickens, tender gestures start to feel decidedly less tender. When someone doesn't have the time to register and receive a tender touch, or is so eager to get their own emotion across, it all starts to get jumbled up and confusing and even hostile.

So in addition to learning some lovely choreography today, I got to somatically understand that if I move too fast with my kindness and love, it won't be received as I intend it. And if I don't take time to understand the gestures of tenderness coming my way, if I don't take time to receive and process them, it will be unsatisfying for everyone involved.

Thank you, John. This was a delightful day. Much to think about.

Dance Intensive Day Three - A familiar hour.

Woohoo!

So I only had one hour to spend today at the MamLuft&Company Dance Intensive but lucky me cuz it was an hour with Ka-Ron Brown Lehman.

I was STOKED because Ka-Ron is like, well, awesome, and also because my seven or so weeks of class with her have paid off. I felt completely able to execute the warm-ups and some of the bar-like floor work, sans bar. And of course the young dancers were also amazing but I was able to keep up. (They have also had about a million more hours of dance this week than me.)

But today reminded me that repetition pays off. As does immersion. Things get easier, then harder all over again. Then easier, then harder. And that is why the journey stays interesting.

Ka-Ron also reminded us to show our LOVE for dance in every movement, even in a warm up. She wanted the young dancers to show this love as they rehearse and as they audition. But for me, it was a great reminder that if I am not feeling love in my body for the form, I might as well get the heck out of the room because I am not doing it for any other reason than love.

Are you doing something you love without feeling and showing your love? I thought of about five things/people/places to which I need to bring this vibrancy and intention.

Thanks, Ka-Ron. xo

Dance Intensive Day Two

Okay. So now I have a more clear understanding of how come they cry on Dancing with the Stars. It is not only because their abs are killing them. It is because they are broken open from moving and bending and falling and yielding and pushing and pulling all the way down to the marrow. No. All the way down to some primordial cells.

Holy smokes. This is no joke.

And here is what is weird. Even though I have a bruised knee and all the polish on my toes has pretty much been scraped off and my foot has a floor burn on it, even though I am pretty sure I will weep before the night is over when one tiny thing even slightly moves me, this is the best experience ever.

I was telling my friend Heather that it is one of those experiences where you get reminded of everything you know and everything you have forgotten. You have so many epiphanies you can't keep track of them and you just hope your body hangs on to a few.

This morning the brilliant Fanchon Shur reminded of us our primordial, cellular bodies and made a roomful of strangers instantly intimate. It is daunting and essential work, her Body Mind Centering practice. I have known about Fanchon's work forever but have never experienced it until today. She is a luminous human and a real treasure for this community. Get on it and spend some time in her world.

Kristin O'Neal conducted the afternoon masterclass with incredible enthusiasm and energy, plus sound effects. She is a pure delight of a teacher and moved us into partner and group weight sharing, crab walking, exercises that somehow, under her tutelage, were elegant and interesting. Once again, I got to stand back for some of it and watch these incredibly talented and committed young people work it.

I am so lucky to live in this body in this life in this city in this year with these people and with you.

Thank you everyone.

(But if you see me this week don't do anything too nice or too sad or too anything because I am sure to completely disassemble in the most wonderfully humbled way.)

Cincinnati's next generation of musicians and dancers make us proud.

Check it out! Cincinnati's Walk the Moon's ANNA SUN song has been voted by Esquire Magazine as the song of the summer!

And it is choreographed by the fabulous Pones crew, who I got to work with a bit earlier in the year.

This will make you happy for many reasons. It is a sunshiny tribute to youth and freedom and summer. Get your war paint and your drums and your inner child and go out and remember. Or if those things are hard to come by, just be sure to dance.

MamLuft & Co. Dance Intensive - Day One.

Today was the first day of a five-day modern dance intensive hosted by the fabulous Jeanne Mamluft and the MamLuft&Company Dance. If you think I am busy, you should meet Jeanne. She is an amazing dancer, choreographer, administrator, designer, photographer (oh and an architect and some other stuff.) So while she is also running a show at CincyFringe, she put on this awesome dance intensive with master classes with impressive teachers.

So I showed up at 9 am for the first of three classes I would take today. There are maybe 30 of us which is a nice number to say twice since I am easily 30 years old than most everyone else. But no matter, I threw in.

We kicked it off with Ballet for Modern Dancers with Susan Honer, who is also a Pilates instructor so there was a good deal of her class that made perfect sense to me. When the running, turning and leaping business started, I opted to turn into a blogger/photographer rather than into a heap of the floor.

That was my strategy the rest of the day: when you are completely and utterly lost, take photos. Our next class was Jeanne's Modern class. There was tons of floor work and twisting around plus capoeira inspired, sort-of-cartwheel-but-not moves. Combinations? Um, more photos for me.

I finished my day with Demetrius Klein who taught a Merce Cunningham inspired class which I liked the most, mainly because I could do more of it than in some of the other classes. But as he pointed out, people study this technique for years without mastering it so my experience today was just a teeny tiny taste of Cunningham. I actually tried one across-the-floor combination before opting to take on my role as photographer.

If I can actually get out of bed tomorrow, I will be back at it for at least one Masterclass tomorrow and then more the rest of the week.

But so far, here is what has struck me:

1. TALENT. Holy smokes. There are some wildly talented young people in that room and some lovely teachers in the Greater Cincinnati area. Lucky all of us to be in their company.

2. WORK. As much of the world seems to be devolving into fast-track notions of fame and glory, these dancers are working hard on their craft and their technique. I don't think I knew what hard was until I started to work my body. It is a glorious thing to start to develop body competence and confidence, but it is no joke. (Note - no making me laugh this week because I will cry because my abs hurt that bad. Now I know why everyone cries on DWTS - they are in pain.)

3. GENEROSITY. I love to watch good teachers teach. I love to watch them be diligent and discerning and kind. Susan and Jeanne and Demetrius were exacting and inspiring. That is as it should be.

Thanks all! See you tomorrow. Video and photos to come. Internet is making me nuts right this second and I'm wiped out.

(p.s. thanks to Jacob for being my dance buddy today. You are awesome.)