Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thankful and hopeful days.

This is the time of year I usually recap my 16-year-ago decision to quit drinking.

In short, best idea I ever had.

Slightly longer version: I moved from profound soul sadness to some sort of first-year bardo state where I hovered between pink cloud giddiness and a complete loss of identity. Each year, I reconstituted myself with more purpose and began to move into a place of joy or its close cousin, acceptance. I became capable of doing what I intended. Believe you me, that is an astonishment for an addict.

I am always so grateful at this time of year when I think back at my bleak, dark, blah, panicked, heavy heart and spirit. Whew!

And this year a new theme emerged for me to consider: loss. My cousin was killed last November and my mother was given a terminal diagnosis in the same month. They told her 6-9 months and she made it four. As most of you know, the shorter duration was a blessing in the end. (And never ever do I forget you, Kristin.)

So what to write this year? I have been reading all my go-to books for clarification, turning to the poets and philosophers and artists for inspiration. It is not that I didn't find a ton of beauty there, it's just that I think you already have your own sources to feed you.

I'll make it simple. I am SO GRATEFUL for this life and for those of you who make me feel loved.  I am thankful for my family (Nick! Ellie! NZ soon!) and to you, yes you, for making this time of year when I consider my place in the universe of things so incredibly joyous and exciting.