Who is on your wellness team?

I have the most amazing team of healers, teachers, energy workers, massage therapists, acupuncturists and chiropractors. I turn to them often to help me heal a sore spot, expand consciousness, see where I still am blocked in my mind and/or body and/or realign me for more clarity of movement and direction.

I feel like one of the greatest gifts of having a mind and body practice is that you no longer have to worry about "doing things right." I know that no matter how hard I try on my own to be a more integrated and compassionate and fully energized person, I will get stuck. We can only see our selves in one dimension and we come to believe the stories we tell ourselves. In fact, we so much want to be right about what we think, we can work to shift the entire world so that it supports our point of view.

That's why I actively seek awesome teachers who can see me better than I can see myself. These are people I trust. These are people who are cheering for me to reach higher, find more happiness, receive love, give more, sleep better, feel no pain.

Do you have people like this in your life who can direct you away from false cures and into the shadows of your mind and body to find the light? If not, check out some of mine. Here is a short list of the people who I turn to and why.

JEANNE KABENJI

Jeanne Kabenji is the thinking/feeling person's secret weapon. It is a little hard to describe Jeanne because what she does is so amazing and thorough and fast, it is like seeing a behavioral therapist, a psychic, a healer and a shrink all at the same time. You sit with Jeanne and meditate for a bit and she does her thing, which means she dips into your consciousness, your energy field, and she sees what is going on. Then she helps you see how your current behavior and struggles relate to some of your past energetic patterns: so how your struggle with your job is really your struggle with your 9 year old self, or how your inability to find love really has to do with something else entirely.

Then, she gives you homework. Ways to shift how you think and thus shift your patterns for higher and wider consciousness. It is an investment, your hour or two with Jeanne, but it is like drinking from a fire hose. When you are ready to quit bitching and get to it, Jeanne is who you need to see.

BRENDA GHANTOUS

Want a dose of magic massage and energy and compassion and healing? Brenda Ghantous is a wonderful massage therapist who has intuitively saved my freakin' life on a few occasions. Brenda is who I tend to turn to when I am really depleted and my body and mind are feeling over worked, under appreciated or whatever version of that story/life I am running. When I had a chronic cough a few years ago, one session she put her hands over my lungs and the room heated up to about a million degrees and I cried a bit and then it was gone. For real, my stupid nagging can't-leave-the-house cough was gone.

Brenda can do straight up regular massage but I like to just tell her to do what her spirit tells her to do ... so sometimes I get a Oneness Blessing and more energy work and sometimes I get more traditional massage. Every time, I feel loved and healed. She works out of Shine Yoga and Salon DeSales and private in-home appointments.

SUZANNE SMITH

My friend Susan Autran treated me to my first session with the amazing Suzanne Smith. She is a massage therapist, healer, genius, all-around-cool-person who works magic out of her Wyoming home. You chat for 20+ minutes at the beginning of the session to see where you are in your life and how she can create an intentional massage and/or cranial sacral session to help you integrate your thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams into your body and to release that which no longer serves. Suzanne is a lovely human and you leave feeling that you have embodied some of that easy loveliness yourself. She can be reached at 513-739-3339. Tell her Stacy sent you.

JODIE LINVER

Jodie is one of my dear friends and she also happens to be an incredibly gifted massage therapist with a massive amount of training in Thai massage. She also happens to work out of Alliance Institute of Integrative Medicine so when you need some extra consultation about something that ails you, the whole team is there to consult.

(I am not kidding, if you really injure yourself get FSM - Frequency Specific Microcurrent at Alliance and save yourself weeks of hobbling around.)

But Jodie is a remarkable massage therapist in so many disciplines and she helped me discover my scalene muscles (wow!!! these are crazy muscles look them up!) and has also saved my soul on more than a few occasions. And I suggest you start now and get to be a really good client and/or friend before the holidays because you just might get a box of the most insanely delicious homemade candy ever made. Ever.

THERESE NORTHROP

I just met Therese recently and she is a chiropractor who specializes in helping integrate the body energetically by releasing blocks in the body. She also works in trauma therapy and other more sensitive modalities, looking at what patterns may be stored in the body that are no longer relevant to the here and now.

I had a session with her last week that was really pretty extraordinary. Her adjustments are not harsh or startling. It feels like she is drawing lines on your body and then sort of flicking the air near your skin with her fingers. But I could feel each time that an adjustment was happening. I could breath better. My ribs and shoulders moved to a better location. My neck and head relaxed. I thought I new a lot about re-setting the body but my session with Therese was an eye-opener. I loved the gentle effectiveness. And I am still feeling the blessings of the energy that is now really able to move through my whole torso.

She can be reached at Ruah Hai Chiropractic, 1419 Alexandria Pike, Ste. B, Fort Thomas, KY 41075. (859)441-8700.

ROBERT LETSCHER, MD

When I have someone who is interested in experiencing acupuncture, I send them to Robert. He is an MD and an acupuncturist and spends a good hour getting to know you on the most fascinating exploration of medical, spiritual, family, emotional history. Then he puts the needles in. I have known him to help people with debilitating migraines, back pain and auto-immune pain. He can be reached at 7911 Euclid Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45243-2639. (513) 561-5958 .

BRUCE DAVIS

I haven't had Reiki done in awhile but when I did, I went to Bruce Davis. He is a gentle soul who really knows what he is doing and I recall some remarkable spiritual epiphanies in his energetic hands.


I also want to give a shout out to some of my movement teachers.

Alan Hundley - Check him out at Shine for Tai Chi and Qi Gong classes. He is a lovely human with a life-changing practice.

Heather Sommer - She is a world-class Pilates instructor with the best eye in the business ... meaning she can see where you need to work to truly grasp the concepts. She can see from across the room where I need to be working for better alignment. If you are not working with a hands-on instructor, you might question if you are really doing Pilates and/or get in Heather's hands and learn the real deal. She can be reached at sheathe3@hotmail.com for private instruction by appointment.

All Rhythm & Motion Teachers - Whether you are with Heather or Julie or Susan or Alena or Rachel you will spend the most high energy and inspiring hour of your week. Visit the Cincinnati Ballet website for more info about this as well as Ka-Ron Brown Lehman's extraordinary Modern class.

Yoga - Cincinnati has some of the best yoga teachers on the planet. Check out Meredith Hogan, Donna Covrett, Rachel Roberts, Matt Eshlemann and countless other inspirers at The Yoga Bar, Shine, Clear, The Breathing Room, You Do Yoga, It's Yoga plus newer comers Moksha and Covington Yoga. I am sure i am missing some stellar places and people.

Pilates - check out Ian Forsgren, Kristine Kolzing, Rachel Appel, Nicole Gunderman, Shannon Faith and others at Pendleton Pilates, the Yoga Bar and around town. Again, there are so many lovely teachers here in Cincinnati it is hard to get them all down in one blog post! Ooh. Susan Autran too. She teaches out of her home and has changed more than a life or two with her lovely practice.

NOTE - The beautiful photo is by my friend Ron Hamad. Check out his work here. Whenever I think "what does wellness and beauty and serenity look like?" I think of these photos. Thanks, Ron.

A place to be loved.

I was in LA this past weekend to celebrate Kristin's life with her friends and family. More than 100 of us gathered on September 10th, one day after what would have been her 42nd birthday.

Her husband Jeffrey created an extraordinary slide show and a beautiful eulogy that explored Kristin's many lives, her early life, her professional life, her family life, her life as a mother, as a wife, and as a friend. After Jeffrey spoke, her son Simon climbed up on the step ladder and told us all how much we had meant to his mother. Not a dry eye watched that happen, I can assure you of that.

I sat on the floor in Kristin's living room with her family and friends and listened to everyone speak about her. I looked at her beautiful art books and the sun streaming in and the couch I have slept on in countless visits. Later, we danced in her kitchen, where I have spent hundreds of hours curled up on the corner couches watching Kristin cook or Simon do homework or just in silence, with Kristin, each of us reading some crappy pop culture magazine, sharing on occasion a particularly noteworthy tidbit about Katie Holmes or Lauren Graham (she loved them!!) or a reality show personality (We do not agree that they are celebrities. They bug us.)

The next day, we went through her clothes to help disperse them. So I sat on her bed where I spent countless days reclining with Kristin watching crappy TV shows. (Gilmore Girls, you are not crap TV) and in the end, holding Kristin's hand while she slept.

Kristin loved to travel. She loved to keep her ideas on the move. But more than anything, she loved place. And the homes she created became my home too.

I am a mover. You are more likely to see me breezing by on the way to something than sitting still, enjoying the quiet of the day.

Kristin gave me a world class friendship AND she gave me a place to love and be loved. For that, I am eternally grateful and momentarily sad.

For those of you out there who create warm spaces for friends and family, good on you.

It matters.

Reboot, Reflect, Recharge.

I have this notion that it is my job to be truthful, to illuminate the dark and the light in my own life so that it might be helpful to someone else.

In the 12 step rooms, they refer to it as sharing your "experience, strength and hope." That bit of indoctrination has been seminal for me. It is all I have to offer.

(A pause here. My fingers stopped typing. I took a big inhale and exhale. This next part is a little hard.)

I had my bankruptcy hearing today with the U.S. Justice Department. It sounds bad. But in truth, the hard stuff already happened. It is akin to the moment I finally decided I needed to get sober. Walking into a 12 step meeting was merely punctuation to the long and grim sentence I had been crafting for years. This feels the same. It is a truthful and examined expression of where I have been so that I may move into the future with more grace.

My entrepreneurial spirit got caught up in the cross hairs of a changing economy. The amount of debt I had accumulated to start and grow a business became unacceptable and untenable. I know many of my entrepreneurial friends know the drill. You often don't get paid in order to pay others. And you borrow a little to make it through. And over time, that little can become a lot. Especially when the bottom falls out of the credit market.

I feel lucky that I was able to leave a business intact and to help more than 10 people get their start to opening their own studios in Cincinnati and beyond and scores more find employment in a field they were passionate about. I feel lucky that I was able to work as an activist with girls and teens. I feel lucky that I was able to publish and travel and collaborate. I feel lucky I was able to see my son graduate from college and take on exciting adventures of travel and service.

I wish I could have make it work better financially. This time, I will be more careful and more accountable to all 360 degrees of wellness.

But honestly, I hope to be no less optimistic about the future and no less engaged in movement, writing, collaboration and activism.

I have a deep appreciation for the structure of wellness as it relates to the body and mind. I know what it takes to stay well. I get those practices. I am adding new ones to my life that assure me financial wellness too. It is also a practice. And it takes mindfulness.

When I was working at MOCA in Cleveland more than a decade ago, the artist Lee Mingwei exhibited origami dollars which you could take so long as you replaced it with something you felt to be of equal or greater value. Mine is pictured above. I took this dollar in exchange for a photograph I had taken from a series I did where I took snapshots in the space and time where I might be feeling inclined to have a panic attack. It was my first foray into expressing myself creatively (as opposed to drunkenly or sleepily or irritably!) I feel like it was a fair trade.

I am working on being as thoughtful as I was with my Lee Mingwei origami dollar sculpture with each monetary exchange I make in the future. I will be of service and I will be fair. I will be accountable.

And there will be enough.

True Movement. Join me!

Hi everyone.

I am pleased to announce one of the coolest things that has emerged from this transitional year of movement: True Movement.

I have been watching bodies really closely this year and working in a more intimate capacity with individuals and small groups and have discovered that many exercise programs are not working to address some of the deeper, simpler alignment and balance issues that we all have to some degree.

Curious about what this means? Well you can either come to my class on Saturdays at 11 at The Yoga Bar (and as of Sept. 21. Wednesday nights at 7:30 pm) OR you can check out the certification program I am starting in October.

Why not take the time to learn how a well body works? Why wait until you are injured or arthritic or miserable in some other sedentary way? We spend the first few years of our lives joyously figuring out how to use every inch of our bodies and every cell in our brains. Why not bring back that exploration now?

This is the time. Do it.

(and now, note a switch to the third person in which I talk about myself as though I am someone else for "marketing" purposes)

True Movement: The Anatomy of Wellness

What is it?

A seven-part certification in True Movement – a course of mindful movement practices and wellness-based exercises. Based on the individual’s course of study, the certification test will follow in the 8^th session.

You can take the course in segments if you wish to expand your knowledge of one of the weekend workshop topics. If you wish to receive a certification, you need to take the courses sequentially. Think of it as a starting place. Think of it as a Master's course. If you are thinking about it at all, then it is exactly what you need!

Who runs it and why take it?

Stacy Sims is one of the nation’s most respected movement educators. She created a Pilates education program as founder and director of Pendleton Pilates and has certified nearly 100 educators. She took a year to study movement after she sold Pendleton Pilates, practicing for a month in LA with clients, for a week with trauma survivors in Cambodia, and in small group and private practice in Ohio. She is also the founder of the non-profit True Body Project. Here is what she found:

“I am a Pilates educator, a yoga student, and have studied dance informally for several years and in a more directed effort in the past year. When I owned Pendleton Pilates, I was working with people to move them into a group Pilates program. But now, a year later, I am realizing that almost regardless of my client’s movement practices, I see that most all bodies are deficit and imbalanced in many of the exact same ways.

“Whether a long-term Pilates client, yogi, a runner, a dancer, or someone who hasn’t exercised at all or is recovering from injury, whether there is trauma from an injury or emotional event, I end up working with my clients to understand 7-10 key concepts of alignment and stability. I am working in a much more subtle and effective way to understand and embody basic principles rather than moving quickly into a series of pre-planned exercises that they may bring all their old body habits to.

“This certification will be a highly personal study of how a well body is organized for strength, agility, peace of mind and flexibility and what a body looks like and feels like when dysfunction begins to occur. I feel like most of our fitness endeavors are designed to create a sense of well being and, perhaps, a particular shape of the body but that these things often have little to do with actual wellness and function.

“I want to help people train their eye to see what the body is saying. I want to share a Movement Course that can be taught to virtually anyone AND to have extremely positive results.

Who should take the True Movement course?

Anyone who is a movement teacher or student of movement or who needs to move more. People who wants to deepen their knowledge of functional anatomy, basic neuroscience principles of somatics for wellness, and the 10 things that indicate lack of harmony and balance and the 10 exercises you can do to help yourself or your clients toward higher function.

Athletes or coaches

Life coaches

Personal trainers

Physical Therapists

Yoga students or teachers

Pilates students or teachers

Dancers

Or anyone who has ever been …

Frustrated that their body isn’t as healthy as it used to be

Injured

On a diet

In recovery for eating disorders or addiction

Trying to make a change

In a wellness field

In a leadership position

Content of Weekend Workshops

Seven 4-7 hour, one-day (Sunday) sessions beginning on October 9, 2011. Sample content.

Oct 9: Learning to see. Creating context. Functional anatomy 1.

Oct. 16: Gaze and breath and spinal alignment… what do your eyes tell you? What is the breath saying? Is the spine functioning fully? Functional anatomy 2.

Oct. 23: Pelvic floor issues, SI joint dysfunction … low back pain primer. Functional anatomy 3.

Oct. 30: Energy leaks and locks in the body. Find where the body is not in sync and techniques to restore mind/body harmony. PTSD primer. Understanding how trauma is stored/presents in the body. Broaden your idea of “trauma” to include any pattern held in the body that is not serving you today.

Nov. 7: Movement workshop. Creating a flow of exercises that make a difference. Learn to teach a True Body Movement Class.

Nov. 14: Individual work. Practicum on seeing the body and learning about the mind. Creating a flow of exercises based on the individual. Learn to work privately with clients.

Nov. 21 or 28: Integration. The class members each present one thing they have learned in independent study that broadens the context of the True Body work. Stacy will suggest several tangents of study including anatomy, typical injuries for athletes, chakra and/or other energy work. The assignment will not be to take a wide tangent but to “color in” and amplify a basic concept (i.e. “I studied rotator cuff injuries and want to show how the True Body movement system addresses this pre/post injury and to further illustrate what muscles are at work when the rotator cuff is supported” or “I studied the somatic patterns of the ‘freeze’ response in the body.

Dec. 12: Certification tests.

Fee Structure

$1250

Includes all seven workshops, 2 private sessions with Stacy Sims, Course materials, TRUE BODY CERTIFICATION

$250

Individual workshops

$50

Extra Private sessions with Stacy Sims

Where and what will I be able to teach?

In the Cincinnati area, Stacy Sims is working with yoga and Pilates studios and other wellness centers to create a demand for this type of class. There is much interest! The class will be branded as a True Movement class but Stacy will work with you individually to tailor your education to best fit the still-growing (and still learning!) mind/body fitness industry.

(And here we return to the more familir first person. Whew)

Want more info?

Want me to do a sample class for you?

Write me at stacy@truebodyproject.org.

Feminism is F*&%#ed. Part Two.

A few months ago, I wrote about the uber popular online forum for girls called It Girl.

Now I am compelled to give a WTF shout out to Katy Perry, whose fan base is 9 to 16 year-old girls.

Here, below, are the snappy lyrics to Last Friday Night, where big-eyed Katy tells us that drunken, blacked out, sexed up, bruised up Friday night shenanigans are AWESOME!

Really?

So here's the deal. At the very least, we must promise to no longer act surprised or confused about why adolescent and teen girls struggle to find appropriate behavior.

Last Friday Night.

There's a stranger in my bed,
There's a pounding my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar
DJ's passed out in the yard
Barbie's on the barbeque

There's a hickie or a bruise
Pictures of last night
Eended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we're gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again

Trying to connect the dots
Don't know what to tell my boss
Think the city towed my car
Chandelier is on the floor
With my favorite party dress
Warrants out for my arrest
Think I need a ginger ale
That was such an epic fail

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled.

Memento Mori

Kristin stayed vibrant, articulate, humorous, and loving until the end. When she lost her strength to stand and her ability to be lucid, she closed her eyes. Within a day, she slipped away. She went so quietly into the night, she didn't move an inch or make a sound.

We did shifts those last hours, sitting with her. It was a privilege. You could feel her energy slipping away. The photo above is of her bedside table. In one of my sittings with her, it was a touching still life. A few hours later, as it became more clear that she was unlikely to rally, it became a memento mori ... a reminder of mortality.

Here, in case you missed it, is Kristin's obituary. If you knew her, I am sorry for your loss. If you didn't, I am sorry for your loss. She was one of a kind.

In Loving Memory. Kristin Chambers. Beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend.

Kristin Chambers, 41, died August 5, 2011 at her home in Los Angeles, CA after a long battle with cancer.

At her request, there will be no memorial service but a celebration of her life will be held at a later date.

She was born on September 9, 1969 in Livonia, Michigan to Robert and Jan Ward Chambers.

She attended Turpin High School in Cincinnati, Ohio and received her Bachelor’s degree in English Literature from Miami University, Oxford, Ohio in 1991. She attended the Art Institute of Chicago where she worked on her Masters in Art History, Theory and Criticism.

She began her art career as a curatorial intern at the Contemporary Arts Center, Cincinnati. In 1994, she worked on the team that opened the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland, working on major artifact acquisitions for the institution. She met her husband Jeffrey Dollinger at the Rock Hall, where he was working as the Development Coordinator. They kicked off their relationship at the 25^th Anniversary of Woodstock concert in 1994.

She and Jeffrey Dollinger married on October 18, 1997 at the Roycroft Inn in Aurora NY.

She became a curator at the Cleveland Center for Contemporary Art (now MOCA) in 1996 and worked with international artists including Yoshitomo Nara, Oliver Herring, and Christine Hill. Kristin loved collaborating with artists on exhibitions and artist books and remained an independent curator when she moved to Los Angeles in 2003.

In 2002, Kristin gave birth to Simon Jackson Dollinger in Cleveland, Ohio. Her relationship with her son was the central focus of her life. Simon attends Sequoyah School in Pasadena and Kristin dedicated much of her time to the school and to Simon’s activities and interests. Before she passed, they collaborated on two paintings.

Kristin was inspired by artists like Christine Hill and Lisa Anne Auerbach who led creative lives and infused every day with artful practices. In one of the last essay’s she wrote, Kristin quoted Joseph Beuys “Every human being is an artist, a freedom being, called to participate in transforming and reshaping the conditions, thinking, and structures that shape and inform our lives.” This is how Kristin lived her life, even during her five-year battle with cancer. She made everyday gestures extraordinary and continued to practice a creative life via cooking, sailing, sewing, music, movies and friendships. Kristin was also loved travel, scuba diving, and playing the cello.

Kristin also served as a CASA advocate and was also a crucial and motivating force as a producer of the documentary Of Two Minds. The film delves into the struggles and triumphs of living with bipolar disorder. She believed strongly in the message and we know the film will live on to help people who deal with the complexities and tragedies of this illness every day. Kristin took on this role not because she herself suffered from this, but because her empathy reached out beyond that of her own world - far beyond. She infused heart and soul into this project through her hard work, spot-on insight and unstoppable sense of humor.

She is survived by her husband Jeffrey Dollinger; son Simon Dollinger; parents Robert and Jan Ward Chambers; brother Richard (Rick) Chambers and his spouse Emma and their children, Nina and Stella; sister Jen Chambers; grandmother Virginia G. Ward; aunt and uncle Shelley and Sam Beck; in-laws Susan Dollinger and Wayne Bonekemper; sisters-in-law Sara and Karen Dollinger; and grandmother-in-law Shirley English.

She is preceded in death by grandfather Richard T. Ward and his loving wife Mary Kay (Sam) Adams Ward; uncle Richard T. Ward, Jr.; and grandparents Edwin and Ellen Chambers.

Kristin requested that donations be made to either help produce the documentary “Of Two Minds” or to CASA LA.

Donations to “Of Two Minds” can be sent to:

MadPix, Inc.

2500 Silver Lake Terrace Los Angeles, CA 90039

(Please note Of Two Minds on the memo line)

Donations to CASA LA can be made via casala.org.

For more information contact jdollinger@hotmail.com

Providence.

Providence in Los Angeles by chef Michael Cimarusti is Kristin's favorite restaurant in the world and I can assure you, Kristin is both a food expert and a well-traveled woman.

So last Wednesday night, Kristin's friends made arrangements to bring Providence to her, since she was unable to make another trip to them.

And it was divine.

Chef Sharon accompanied the food and Kristin's family and friends gathered for a spirited and delicious feast. At some point during the night, I looked up the definition of "providence." Here is what it said:

"Timely preparation for future eventualities."

Yes. Indeed.

Thank you Providence and thank you Sharon. Here is a glimpse into how you helped all of us prepare for future eventualities. With mad love. And astonishing food.

(p.s. apologies to Providence and foodies everywhere for my less-than-stellar food photos. I promise you all, this was an extraordinary meal in all ways.)

Sacred things.

I have been in LA for the past week spending time with Kristin and her close friends and family as she navigates the end of her days with extraordinary grace and courage. She is 41 and leukemia is winning. We are not sure if we have a few minutes, hours or days left with her.

I was talking to my mom and she referred to this time, this intimate experience of transition, as holy. She is not religious but I understood her entirely. She was speaking of the word in the transcendent sense.

And today I went to a dance class at the Sweat Spot for one of my first excursions out of this house of grace in a week. Joe taught us a lovely choreography to Adele's "Someone Like You." It was filled with contractions and expansions and rises and falls and rolls and shudders. We went slow and we went fast. We remembered. We reached. Our dance was filled with moves that I have watched this week as Kristin fights to keep her dignity with her body and to understand the new dance that she is being forced to learn.

At the end of class I wept. (Thanks Joe for holding that space for me to disassemble a bit.)

Because when I was lying on the floor, curled up in the fetal position and ready to begin dancing this choreography for the last time, I thought about sacred and transcendent words, words and ideas that deserve to be elevated and honored. I thought about Kristin, hanging on to her breath and her body and her mind long after it seems humanly possible.

Here they are, my sacred words for today:

Grace ... Holy ... Dignity ... Body.

Family ... Friends ... Love.

Kristin.

Kristin.

Kristin.

And now I will return to the family room, where we will laugh and/or cry and/or sleep and/or eat. We will listen to what Kristin wants us to remember. We will do no harm.

And it will be holy. For sure.

Listening.

I'm a talker. I've got a blog, for heaven's sake. So that's how you can tell. But all the good stuff I've learned has come from developing the skill to be still enough to listen.

The last couple of months I've slowed the dance down to listen. I've listened to teachers and healers and authors and scientists and a lawyer and an accountant and broken people and hopeful people with an equally democratic ear. I'm trying to learn the next steps so I need to listen very, very carefully.

This weekend, I will do more of the same.

I have invited some awesome girls and women to join me in a circle to reflect on the True Body Project and to think about where we have been and where we might go. The True Body Project is a reflection of the collective truth of how we live today and how we might make that easier, safer and more fulfilling for more girls and women.

I can't wait. And after we have listened hard and planned long (oh not too long, don't you worry), then we'll start talking. We'll spill the beans on our awesome True Body Project plans. We'll tell you how to come be a listener with us.

Breaking through the noise.

I've been a a bit mum the last few weeks as I've been taking care of business to keep the ship from sinking ...

(Remember my Financial Frenemy? She came knocking but I let her in and we have made a good deal.)

... and I've also been slowing down my usual high octane approach to creativity and communications to consider what, in the middle of the noisiest time ever in the history of communications, is worth saying.

I've seen close to 20 theatrical events in the last month, including theatre, opera and dance, read several books, looked at a gazillion Facebook posts about a gazillion ideas, opinions, creative expressions and a few cats. And I'm trying to be discerning about what stands out, what feels relevant, and what feels important.

I'm not sure yet of my own creative direction for the next few months. I am not sure if I will write a novel or a play or a pilot or something with others. But I do know this ... authenticity stands out. Which is why I present to you this lovely song and video by Slow Club. Thanks to Julie Rawe for finding it for me.

"Hold on to where you’re from, it’s where you heart goes when you’re done."

That seems relevant. That seems important.

“

What do I actually teach and why/when should you come to see me?

I've been teaching privately a lot lately and the sessions fall somewhere between Pilates and mindfulness training and somatic re-education.

What the heck does that even mean??

It means that when you want to know more about your body's patterns and how come, for instance, you are in pain (think neck, back, knee, hips, feet, wrists, shoulders) and you want to remedy that, you come to me.

It means that if you are trying to make changes in your life but are stuck, you come to me.

It means that if you have been practicing Pilates or Yoga or dance for a little or a lot and you want to get more out of your movement practice and avoid injury, you come to me. My R&M teacher pals let me fix them when their bodies are cranky so I hope you will let me help you too.

Here is what some of my clients have to say ...

A former collegiate athlete who is recovering from injury says:

"Stacy offers uniquely designed and individualized Pilates lessons focusing on strength, flexibility, posture and mental awareness. Her knowledge of the mind and body connection is unparalleled resulting in paramount gains with mental and physical well-being....Stacy's tailored approach will invigorate your mind, strengthen your body and awaken your spirit."

A long-term Pilates practitioner says:

"I started practicing Pilates in a gym setting, but I never really understood the practice until I began Stacy’s classes. Her knowledge of anatomy and physiology give her students an insight into “how to have a healthy body” that’s like a personal workshop. Stacy’s approach is so thorough and personalized that I get much more benefit from one session with her than I did from many before.

A yoga student and a bicyclist says:

"I am thinking that Stacy Sims is the bestest greatest knee fixer upper Pilate instructor therapist yogini in the world. I went 19 miles on the bike today without pain. Been knee pain free three days after one session with her two weeks ago. Whahoo!"

A Pilates instructor, martial artist and tennis player says:

“Stacy Sims has developed a deep Pilates vocabulary from her many years running a busy and popular Pilates studio. Her experience as a dancer only widens her breadth of experience. My private sessions with Stacy feel as though I am able to connect with my body through all of her accumulated knowledge working with the best of the best in the field of mind and body. She is able to find where you are in most need of "opening" closed channels, developing strength, and working on flexibility in a comprehensive and intelligent approach which is the true lineage Joseph Pilates left for us. Stacy Sims teaches authentic Pilates which centers around spinal flexibility and strengthening the core to support a healthy spine for optimum health and longevity. When I leave my sessions with Stacy, I feel a total transformation from head to toe. A body "buzz" as I like to call it!”

So please, don't wait because you think you are not ready or are not strong enough. I promise to meet you exactly where you are and find out where we can help you move in your body and in your life. Check out my website for more info about privates or classes and/or email me directly at stacy@truebodyproject.org.

Here is a little taste of how I go about it:

Patterns and cycles and perhaps TMI. Dudes, be warned.

Honest to god, it is INSANE that I haven't figured out the pattern in 35 years of months that there is a cycle to my optimism, ambition, creativity and joy.

Once a month, there is a 48 hour period in which I think, feel and believe that the gig is up and that I am no longer relevant or curious or clever or attractive or vital. During this window, it is so REAL, this pervasive feeling of blah. It is not despair. It is not fatalistic. But it is convincing. It feels like every cell in my body is a bored and slightly angry 14 year old girl saying, "Whatever."

And then, once a month for 35 years of months, I wake up and discover that I am not depressed, nor do I have the flu, nor do I have to be committed. I wake up to discover that I have my period.

Surprise!!

Really. How can this be a surprise?

There are a few good things in this scenario.

1. Once a month I remember what I felt like every day when I was drinking to excess. And I am reminded again that it is a blessing to have 14 years of sobriety under my belt so that darker days are limited.

2. Once a month I am reminded what it feels like to be depressed or alcoholic or otherwise stuck in a system where no matter what happens around you, you can't see the beauty and the light. Empathy is everything. And I am happy for it.

3. I am also clear that there are likely other subversive neuro-muscular, chemical, hormonal patterns at work that I am slow to catch onto. And I am thrilled to work with amazing healers, body workers and astute friends who can mirror for me when I become ridiculously stuck in some thought pattern that makes no sense to the here and now.

4. As long as I have to weather this hormonal storm, I am happy for the people who make Pringles, Angel Food Cake, peanut butter-filled pretzels, and mediocre television shows.

xoxo

To be seen.

I decided to walk to an early dinner on this beautiful summer night.

I strolled down Main Street right as the sun was hitting the street in such a way as to make everyone and everything look pretty darn glorious.

I passed by a family sitting on a stoop. A man and a woman sat on the step next to a toddler in a stroller. I heard the child say, "Hi." So I spun around for a closer encounter. We waved and smiled at each other in the usual way: me over-animated, child bemused. Until the guy told me this:

"You are the first person she's ever said 'Hi' to."

"Wait, really?" I asked.

"Really," they confirmed.

I saw her and she saw me. And we each signaled our admiration for the other's awesomeness.

What more can you ask for on a sunny, summer night on the street where you live?

Another sample of NEBRASKA ... Couples Therapy, anyone?

OMG.

Couples Therapy is freaking hard.

See how Lorabee and Jim weather the couch in NEBRASKA.

Chapter 38

We sat in silence and looked at the magazines we had grabbed the minute we entered the small waiting room before our first and only Couples Therapy session. It had been Jim’s bright idea, not mine, to spill the beans about our small, sad life to an impartial third party.

I stared blindly at a Rachael Ray recipe for Steamed Shrimp. Jim thumbed through a Golf Magazine earnestly. It made me mad.

“Like you give a shit about putters or drivers or greens. Like you give a shit,” was what I was stage whispering to him when the kind doctor opened the door to let us in.

“Jim? Lorabee? Or do you prefer Lora?” he said, as though he had not caught me in a bitter, irrational tirade.

“I don’t care,” I shrugged.

Jim nearly ran to him, shaking his hand vigorously. I gave him just my fingers, pursed my lips insincerely, and sashayed into his office.

Dr. Greenblum closed the door behind us and gestured to the couch. We sat at opposite ends of it, clinging to the armrests. He sat down slowly, with effort.

“Hip replacement.” He informed us. “Not as easy a recovery as I was led to believe.”

“Sort of like this, then,” I offered, eager for a moment to get on his good side, eager to let him know I was bright enough to override the vitriol inside of me and make snappy comparisons. Rehab is to hip surgery as forgiveness is to betrayal.

“Yes, perhaps,” he obliged, settling back into his chair. “Since you made the appointment, Jim, why don’t we start with you? Why are you here?”

“I did something very, very stupid,” he said. “Something I regret every day. And I know she has every right to be mad at me. She has a right to be mad at me for a very long time, in fact. I totally fucked up.”

“Can you please be more specific?” Dr. Greenblum asked.

“He slept with my best friend, my maid of honor, the biggest cliché in the history of all clichés. She rubbed up against him and he fell for it,” I offered. “I am more embarrassed by it than angry,” I said.

“Is that true?” the doctor asked.

“That he fucked my best friend? Yes, it’s true.”

“No. That you are more embarrassed than angry. Is that true?”

“Yes!” I insisted. “I mean, come on. It’s obvious.”

"What is obvious?” Dr. Greenblum asked.

And that is how the next horrible 43 minutes played out. Jim came across like an earnest, relatively competent sap of a man who screwed up. I was unable to answer a single question in a straightforward, mature, non-sarcastic way. I could feel myself dancing for my life, evading anything that put the emotional burden on me.

“Seriously?” I asked, early in the session. “He cheats and I have to talk about my mother?”

“So let me ask you this, Lora. Why are you here? Why did you come today?”

“To find out why he did it. Why else would I come?” I said.

“Fair enough,” Dr. Greenblum said. “Jim, can you answer Lora’s question?”

“Well it doesn’t make it right, I know that, but I have to say, I was lonely,” Jim said.

“Lonely in what regard?” Dr. Greenblum asked, prodding Jim to outline all the ways in which I was a shitty, inattentive wife.

Jim looked at his thighs. “She’s just stronger than me. Much stronger. I need things. I worry about things.”

“Oh for God’s sakes, Jim, everyone is stronger than you,” I said. I heard it: my loathsome, shrewish, lonely voice. “I don’t think this is going to work,” I offered. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

We spent the next half hour addressing the issue of my reluctance to be there in the first place.

“Becoming a couple is easy. Staying a couple is tremendously difficult,” Dr. Greenblum explained. “We are not taught how to maintain intimacy,” he added. “And it is especially difficult when you have had your early intimate relationships taken from you,” he offered to me.

“Is it possible you can not know how unwell you are until you have children?” Jim asked.

We both stared at him.

“I mean me. Not her,” he clarified.

I refused to say another word. Because what I wanted to say to each of them was “How do you know?” Based on the number of certificates on his wall, I figured that the doctor probably did know a few things. And maybe my cheater husband did too.

But what good would it do me if he were right? If he were right, then I was doomed. And so was my family. So he and Jim talked about broken things while I stared out the window. I tuned them out as best I could so I could think about Rachael Ray’s Steamed Shrimp and how I would never, ever make it.

-----

If you like this sample, check out the real deal here. Order it for your Kindle or any device that supports it (iPod, iPhone, Mac notebooks, etc.)

On Pirouettes and Joyful Trouble.

Stephen Colbert was recently asked by Stephen Sondheim to join the cast of Company. Here is what Colbert had to say about it his decision to do it:

"I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do,'" he says. "And I followed my own advice. It was something I desperately wanted to do — not as a career — but an invitation I knew I couldn't refuse and yet had no sense of whether or not I could do it. And that is trouble — but it was all so joyful."

This year has been a lot of that for me ... I have gotten into joyful trouble trying to do things I am not sure I can do on the small (giant?) stage of adult dance.

After my modern dance intensive last week, I realized I had some definite challenges with my turns. It was not as though I knew how to do them and didn't do them well. With a pirouette, for example, I truly did not have a single cooperative bone or muscle or tendon in my body. I would start the turn and completely lose my shit.

So I set an intention to learn them. Yesterday, I was lucky to have Ka-Ron Brown Lehman all to myself for an hour plus. We worked on my not-so-great releve passe situation and then moved onto turns. For awhile, it was a big old mess. But by the end, I had figured out the essential flow of it, some muscle memory that I could return to.

Thanks Ka-Ron and all my other wonderful teachers (Heather, Susan, Julie, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Heather, etc.) for helping me get into joyful trouble on such a regular basis.

This post is and is not about shampoo.

Yesterday was a struggle. I have been working this year to stay in a productive and hopeful place while I figure out where to focus my next efforts. I got socked in the gut in the morning by an unfriendly reminder of one version of my current reality. Part of my current reality is glorious ... dancing, writing, connecting, hoping, learning, moving, giving, teaching. And there is a part that is less easy. For the sake of clarity, we will call this part "Financial."

So yesterday "Financial" wanted to chat with me because I had been ignoring "Financial" for a couple of months. After an unsettling conversation, in which I raised my voice and said some bad things to "Financial," things I might eventually regret, I settled myself back down and decided that I needed to be a little more clear about my direction or else "Financial" would begin to stalk me to the point that "dancing, writing, connecting" etc. might get nervous and ask me to go away until I deal with the "Financial" situation.

(This is now going to move to a conversation about energy and end up in beauty products so you have been warned.)

I have been working to stay open, energetically, to what is to come. I have worked against constant busyness so that there would be a void to be filled by THE NEXT THING. And my request to the universe has been pretty vague ... as in "Give me something really frickin' awesome that will fulfill me creatively, financially, etc." It occurred to me that the universe might not know what to give me. That it wouldn't know what to fill in since I have been so vague. So I was thinking about being more specific.

I realized, at about the same time, I was out of shampoo and conditioner. I thought to myself (laughing!!!) that perhaps I just needed to ask for shampoo and conditioner. Then I thought to myself (laughing!!) that it would be difficult to manifest beauty products. I chuckled to my crazy self and went on my merry way.

Cut to this morning ... less than 24 hours later. I go to teach my Yoga Bar class and there is .... wait for it ..... FREE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER compliments of Heather who works at Kao Brands. Not just for me but for many. My friend Debbie pointed out that I manifested it not just for me but for a bunch of people.

Get on it people! Tell the universe exactly what you want. Do not mess around. My guess is that there is more than beauty products in it for us.

Modern Dance Intensive - Day Four. We try a little tenderness.

I LOVED today's classes. I taught this morning for two hours in exchange (in the Karmic sense) for four hours of learning. If I gave half as much as I received, it would be a miracle. Because today we were in the masterful hands of the elegant, delightful and generous John Giffen.

John received a BFA from Juilliard and a Master of Arts in dance from The Ohio State University. He has danced with Les Grands Ballets Canadians in Montreal and the Wuppertal Dance Theater directed by Pina Bausch. He has toured with Agnes de Mille’s Heritage Dance Theater and was dance captain for the Broadway revival of Brigadoon. Giffin has received numerous grants and awards for his work.

So in the first class, he taught us the "circle" choreography from Bausch's seminal Rite of Spring. (video of the real deal below.)

It was so amazing to learn some of these sequences but even more exciting to step back and watch the class move in such beautiful, grounded harmony.

In the next class, he shared some exercises from Pina Bausch's Dance Theater Performance compositional techniques. Our theme was TENDERNESS.

Our job was to individually determine five gestures of tenderness (two were eliminated for pedestrian reasons - the straight up hug and intimate face holding.) But everything else was fair game. We composed our gestures and remembered the sequence and then we partnered up and began to work with our tenderness gestures compositionally. One of us might share the gesture with our partner but the partner was to either be neutral to and/or reject our tender gesture.

In other exercises, we gestured simultaneously, first slowly then quickly and we also stood across the room from each other, playing with movement and gesture. We did group work and individual work. Finally, we worked with our partner to create a short piece using our tender gesture work as a base.

It was beautiful to watch and the main thing that struck me is that when the pace quickens, tender gestures start to feel decidedly less tender. When someone doesn't have the time to register and receive a tender touch, or is so eager to get their own emotion across, it all starts to get jumbled up and confusing and even hostile.

So in addition to learning some lovely choreography today, I got to somatically understand that if I move too fast with my kindness and love, it won't be received as I intend it. And if I don't take time to understand the gestures of tenderness coming my way, if I don't take time to receive and process them, it will be unsatisfying for everyone involved.

Thank you, John. This was a delightful day. Much to think about.